A few years ago it was unthinkable for the couple to see each other before the ceremony. Now, half the couples I talk to ask whether they should do a first look.
The trend comes from the US and has spread through the wedding industry over the past decade. The idea is simple: the couple meets in a private place before the ceremony, alone or with the photographer present, and gets their first look at each other in peace.
It might sound foreign. What about the magic of seeing the groom waiting at the altar? Or being taken by the breath when the church doors open?
Both approaches give beautiful moments. The question is which one suits you.
What is a first look, really?
A first look is a planned meeting between the couple before the ceremony. It typically happens one to two hours before the ceremony, in a quiet place with no guests. The photographer and videographer are often present, but step back so the couple can have time alone.
The meeting itself can look different. Some choose the classic version where one stands with their back turned while the other walks up behind. Others meet face to face from the start. Some exchange letters, others just stand still and hold each other.
There’s no right way. It’s your moment.
Turid and Erik had their first look on a dock on Tromøy. Erik stood alone looking out over the Skagerrak, Turid came walking up behind him and laughed before he’d even turned around. It wasn’t staged, and it wasn’t solemn. It was just them.
Why more couples choose first look
Four reasons keep coming up.
More time for portraits. If you’ve already seen each other, portraits can be taken before the ceremony. That means the period between ceremony and dinner is shorter and less stressed. You get time with your guests instead of disappearing for an hour while the photographer sets up.
Calms the nerves. Many couples describe the morning before the wedding as intense. A quiet meeting before the ceremony takes some of the tension away. You don’t have to spend half the day with butterflies in your stomach before you finally see each other.
A private moment in a public day. A wedding day is, in many ways, for other people. You’re on, you smile, you shake hands, you answer questions. A first look is the only moment in the day that’s just for the two of you. Many describe it as the most intimate thing they do through the whole wedding.
Better light. If you’re getting married at 1 PM and have a first look at 11 AM, you often catch softer light in the portraits than you would midday right after the ceremony. It’s a practical point that often gets overlooked.
Why some couples wait
There are also good reasons to keep things traditional.
The anticipation. For many couples, the not-knowing is part of the magic. Waiting, wondering how the other looks, and then finally seeing each other at the most ceremonial moment of the day. It’s a feeling that can’t be recreated.
The reaction at the altar. When the groom sees the bride enter the church or come down the aisle for the first time, it’s often a real and emotional moment. Tears, laughter, a smile that can’t be controlled. It doesn’t always happen, but when it does it’s one of the most beautiful things on a wedding day.
The tradition itself. Some couples have always pictured their day a certain way. If seeing each other at the altar has been the dream long before you started planning, that’s a good reason to hold on to it.
What do the photos say?
As a photographer I’ve been part of both, and the truth is I can’t say one gives better photos than the other. They give different photos.
First look gives calm, intimate portraits. Soft light, quiet around the couple, the chance to capture small reactions without guests in the background. The photos often have a stillness to them.
A traditional ceremony gives more dramatic, emotional moments. The bride’s entrance, the groom’s face when he turns, parents crying in the front row. The photos have more energy, but also less control over light and background.
Both are beautiful. It comes down to what you want.
A compromise more couples should consider
There’s a middle ground many don’t think about: first touch.
Instead of seeing each other, you meet on either side of a door, a wall or a corner. You can hold hands, talk, or just stand there in silence. You don’t see each other, but you’re together for the first time that day.
It gives much of the calm and intimacy of a first look while keeping the anticipation of the ceremony itself. It’s a good middle solution for couples who are split, or where one wants a first look and the other wants to keep things traditional.
What to think about before deciding
A few practical questions that can help you land on the right choice:
How much time do you have between ceremony and dinner? If it’s tight, a first look helps. If it’s generous, it matters less. (I’ve written more about how the day flows in the wedding day timeline.)
How stressed do you get from waiting? If you’re the type to grow more nervous as the moment approaches, a first look can take the pressure off. If you thrive on the anticipation, keep it.
How important is the traditional reaction at the altar to you? For some, it’s the highlight of the day. For others, it’s a formality.
How much time do you want with your guests? A first look frees up time between ceremony and dinner that would otherwise go to portraits.
How does it feel to spend the whole day apart? Some find it romantic. Others find it strange.
There’s no right answer. Just two good options.
One last note
The most important thing is that you choose based on what feels right for you as a couple, not what’s popular, what friends did, or what the photographer recommends.
I’ve seen both versions end with beautiful days and photos the couple loves. There’s no wrong answer here, just two different ways to start the rest of your life together.
Talk to each other about what feels most you. That’s the answer.
Considering a first look and wondering how it might work on your day? Get in touch and I’m happy to think it through with you.